Battle Cry
By Tariq Muhammad
Praying Merrily In The Bushes
I Shall Await My Time To Come
We Ignore The Babies Crying
They Cry Because They Understand That They Might Not See Their Grandchildren & Those After
They Cry Because They See How Far We've Fallen
They Cry Because They Know That They May Have To Leave Their Families For War One Day
They Cry Because We've Fallen In Love With Death & Disease
We Are To Blame
For Generations, We As A Race Of Humans, Have Only Gotten Lower Into The Pit Of Hell
We Hate Them When They Are Here, But When They Leave We Miss Them
Fathers Send Their Sons Into War, Even Their Daughters
We Hand The Family Rifle To The Baby So We Won't Have To Die For Our Country
We Go Into War At The Young Ages Before Our Minds Are Fully Developed
We Return (If We Return) With Sickness Of The Worst Kind
We Can't Sleep, The Echos Of Those Who We Killed & The Echos Of The Gunfire Give Us Headaches
Praying Merrily In The Bushes
I Shall Await My Time To Come
And Until The Day I Die
I Shall Chant My Battle Cry
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,819 Reviews
Hey, fellow Minnesotan! First, the font and colors distract from the words. Second, I'd be curious to know your background with regards to all of this. Pardon me for generalizing, but with the Twin Cities housing the largest Somali population in the US, I couldn't help but assume that was your heritage. Please correct me if I'm wrong, but talk to me!
Spoiler
I liked this last line quite a bit. The thing that I would caution you about though, is to figure out exactly where the narrator is. Is he a child soldier? Is he a student in Minneapolis? These first lines put us out into the field, but the later bits of the poem seem to have been written from relative comfort.
"Tend" is not a very evocative word. Perhaps; "We are trying to ignore..."
I'm not sure I understand why. The following lines make it seem like they're being born into a pretty miserable existence.
Their instead of there when talking about possession. Also, periods at the end of every line.
Is "five" really necessary? "Generations" alone may be more accurate.
Soliders?
Commas or periods at the end of every line. Also, the "18" seems oddly specific again. People go to war at all ages no? The baby is going to war even...
Nice rhyme at the end.
It's a little raw, and a little unfocused, but the emotion and importance are obvious. Good start.
Wow. That be powerful stuff. You should watch form though. This is a narrative, not a poem. Technically.